How to Teach Your Child to Wait - 7 Steps to Waiting

How to teach children to wait is a problem for many people who's kids have ASC’s as their sense of time is different from neurotypicals and often they can find difficulty with understanding other peoples’ perspectives.

I had the problem many years ago when my son with ASD had to wait for his twin sister's ballet lesson to finish. There are many situations where parents have to balance the needs of siblings and other family members/responsibilities.

Even though your child may have a diagnosis for an ASC, remember, all children hate waiting with nothing to do and everyone has to learn to wait at some time. It may take a little more effort (and time) to teach your child with ASC how to do this.

I have found the following ideas helpful to support a child with autism to wait calmly:

1. Safe Spaces (Car, Tables, Pram, etc)

In a hectic or busy environment children with ASCs can often suffer from social anxiety and sensory overload. You may find they benefit from allowing them to find their "safe place"; depending on the age of the child they may find security in places such as a pram or under a table. In the past, I have waited outside my daughters music lesson with my 3 year old son who would find his safe space playing under the table with plastic animals.

Another strong method for creating a safe space for your child is to make your own body into a wall between them and the outside world. e.g. if a child is scared of a dog, you would put yourself in between the animal and the child to attempt to block view and help them feel secure.

2. Sensory Regulation (Weighted Blankets, Ear Defenders, Sensory Tent, etc)

On the back of the safe spaces example above, we often have to wait in busy places with strangers, new sights, sounds and smells. This can be very overloading to a child's senses and can cause distress. There are many ways to make a child feel safe in their environment, weighted blankets, ear defenders or sensory tents can assist with calming the situation. Using regular headphones playing music is a strong way to calm the child and help them feel safe in their environment.

3. Activities (colouring books, fidget toys, story books etc)

Mobile phones are often the go-to option for keeping a child occupied, however, I would avoid this as much as possible to reduce screen time and the excessive compulsion for stimulation brought on by mobiles. Having a bank of activities that you do with your child at home which can be brought outside of the house when waiting helps the child understand and want to engage with the toys more when outside. Whilst waiting show the child a selection of toys and/or games – but only give them one activity at a time, this ensures engagement for extended periods as the wider the selection the more option you have. With my child we were lucky as he liked drawing so we were able to bring colouring books with us to keep him occupied, however, I'm aware other children prefer things like toy dinosaurs or trains/cars which can get boring for the child very quickly. Ensuring a variety of toys and games gives you more time where they keep themselves occupied.

4. NOW - NEXT board

Firstly, tell the child Now-Next examples, such as “now we are waiting and reading a book Next we will play with putty” then show them the board for visual confirmation that what was discussed will happen.

When you are near the end of the waiting time you can introduce NEXT we go home as a final step of the now-next board process. For more information on how now-next boards work see our blog: Blog to come

5. Timers

Digital countdown timers can be used to show that the time is passing. As the child begins to tolerate the waiting situation, you can begin to gradually extend the time which in turn means the child has less problem waiting longer. Some children respond better to sand timers as its more understandable to younger/less understanding children. I found the oil timer, image to the right, to be more relaxing and beneficial for understanding.

6. Waiting away from people

Waiting away from strangers, in a safe and undisturbed place, helps children who may suffer from social anxiety to relax and feel content. Often you may find when waiting in busy/bustling places that children become overwhelmed by the constant changing environment.

7. Talk to your Occupational Therapist

For more information on your child specifically, ask your occupational therapist for advice as often people don't know who to talk to about this subject, however, the occupational therapist is your best bet for more bespoke plans on how to directly assist your child. For more information on how to make the most of the professional support available to you, see our blog: BLOG TO COME

Avoiding situations where children have to wait, is storing up problems for the future (you and your other children need to have a life outside of looking after the family member with ASCs).

Learning to wait is a massive life skill you will be teaching your child. My son is now 25, has a job and is really quite independent but still benefits from a written/visual schedule.